I Have A Desk

And it holds promises.

A little while back I found something I had written when I was very young. I had also drawn an accompanying picture. It said, ‘I am light, my sister is dark. I have a desk.’ The picture in case you were wondering featured two people (thankfully I hadn’t coloured anyone in) and the desk. Clearly my little self thought that these were defining characteristics. Decades later (probably three of them), having a desk is still something I reflect on a lot. As a teacher I have a desk, but it is not where the bulk of the ‘work’ happens. This is the classroom, and although the unspoken rule is that the table at the front is that of the teacher it is the closest I’ve ever come to a hot desking situation. Whatever is on the table is public property. Don’t forget your whiteboard marker, you’ll probably never get it back. I am lucky enough to have a desk at home too but whilst that is sometimes a place of work (I am writing this at it right now), it is also a dumping ground. A space where I can shut the door and physically see my to do list; bits and pieces that need to be returned, items that need to be fixed, stuff that needs to be sorted.

In many media texts, sitting at a desk is not a site of work but a reminder that in between the storylines work supposedly happens. Unless you’re watching Severance and whilst they are constantly at their desks, not even they understand what type of work they’re doing. The Office also has the desks at the centre, but they act as a springboard for whatever storylines occupies the characters. The desk in media may create distance between one character or another, it may show the power. In the New Girl episode, Fancy Man Part 1, dishevelled Nick sits at ‘fancy man’ Russell’s desk, akin to putting on someone’s clothes in their wardrobe, he is imagining the life of a person who has a desk like that. Nick starts saying things the desk makes him want and feel.

Part of imagining a corporate working life, is imagining the corner office. A status symbol, that other people can enter and witness you at work. Though many people who espouse the portfolio career claim that the real freedom comes from not having a desk at all, just a simple laptop that starts at $2,499. A free-to-air community television station, Channel 31, used to have a program called Fish Cam, a live broadcast of a fish tank. It was mesmerising. Sometimes I picture Fish Cam but with a live stream of an office.

Next week I’m starting work after taking a year of parental leave. The desk that was mine, isn’t anymore. I’ve been at the school for almost 10 years and have had many desks in that time. But this time that desk I left still feels like mine even though I’ll be sitting at the one next to it instead. I have started collecting things to take to work and to put at my desk. It feels like an opportunity to start again, what should my desk say about me now? A previous colleague had nothing at their desk except for their laptop, keyboard, and mouse. I’ve always carried too many things with me, and I still prefer the analogue so that doesn’t feel right, but neither does taking back everything I had before. During the pandemic, each night one of my sisters would ‘pack up’ her desk into a small tub. I feel like I move in to work and back out again every time I step on to the premises. I even bought a coat rack for the office.

I’ve written numerous times about my capitalistic, consumerist tendencies. The desire to have lots of things to do anything. I have chosen to do a ‘no buy’ this year. No clothes, shoes, bags, or accessories. It feels weird to not be marking the occasion of returning to work, the new year, or the new school year without anything new. The logical part of me knows that buying something would not make the transition easier or answer the question of what work will be like, or what I will be like at work. But just like I start having my tarot cards read I would just like to be told. And I, like many other people, am under the illusion that buying something and believing it to be the best thing, or ideal version of whatever it is, is a way to provide clarity and direction. It’s the strangest thing.

My computer desktop is bare; it has one folder entitled ‘working on’ where I stuff everything. But even this is cleaned our regularly. I don’t think it is a symbol of anything except for the sign of an active external hard drive. The new update (on the Mac) allows you to turn your icons clear (just like the iPhone) so it is even sparser. It means nothing, but for some reason, I feel like it means something. Probably just the desire for a clean slate.