Over and Over

Earlier in the week, I became completely overwhelmed with the content presented to me. “There is so much stuff to watch,” I thought to myself, “that I couldn’t get through it all before I die.” As one is prone to do when feeling completely overwhelmed, I contemplated simply giving up. In this context, I thought I would simply unsubscribe from the ridiculous number of streaming services I have access to, or only watch things I’d seen before. Or, and perhaps the most comical of all, return to watching free-to-air television only.

This is all started because I was trying to choose something to watch on Saturday night. I wanted something good, something comforting and something I hadn’t seen before. The last criteria was the only one I could guarantee. And this, coupled with far too many options was sending me into a bind.

Even though it has been years since these two shows were on television, Saturday nights remind me of the problematic but nostalgic Hey Hey It’s Saturday and Gilmore Girls. Holy shit did I love Gilmore Girls. I nearly relented into watching something I had seen before and almost put on this show. The thing is, I can’t really watch Gilmore Girls anymore. The show, as much as I adored it, stressed me out. And for some reason, this stress has gotten worse with time even as I have gotten older and (hopefully) gained perspective. I recently watched the continuation of A Year in the Life and I adored it, I would watch another season and then another.

But the thought of starting from Season 1 and going through the Lorelai and Luke turmoil, the Rory/Jess/Dean/Lane/Logan/Lorelai turmoil. It’s too much for me. But I long for the warmth, the laughs and the somewhat manic energy this show provides. Not only is the show incredibly comforting and nostalgic, it’s also been a long time since I watched it. So it’s a good amount of time to watch again. All the other shows I go to rewatch I’ve just seen. The feelings, the developments, the reveals, it’s all too fresh.

I could probably recite The Nanny episode by episode for you. I loved Only Murders in the Building so much I would often watch the same episode twice in a day. Ditto Our Beloved Summer.

TV shows and movies are different to songs. The burn out rate is so much quicker. I can listen to songs on repeat. Each time trying to hang on to the emotion it conjures within, and I feel as if I am trying to catch smoke with my fingers. *

To feel something when you can’t guarantee what you are going to watch is tricky. I want the feeling before I commit, will this make me feel good? Will it allow me to laugh? On Saturday I ended up watching One Day. The payoff wasn’t there. I cried when I wanted to feel happy, and I felt frustration when I wanted to feel fizzy anticipation.

But I was still glad I tried something different.

Just before we finish, I just want to say thank you for reading. This is my 100th issue of The Middle Part and I’ve loved doing it always. The Middle Part was something I started in September of 2020 and it’s been beyond to see it grow. Every like, every subscribe and every time someone says that it resonated with them makes me so very happy. It brings another dimension to the work. I started out doing this for me, but now I do it for you too. Thank you.

*One of those songs inspired the title of this piece, Coney Island by Taylor Swift and The National.